Recognizing Gaslighting: Examples and Support

Five possible warning signs

The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes behaviours including:

1. Repeatedly refusing to discuss incidents.
2. Broadly dismissing your memory as unreliable.
3. Attacking your perception rather than addressing an incident.
4. Repeatedly minimizing your feelings and needs.
5. Denying events or promises.

This is not a test: neither a number of items nor one sentence reliably establishes someone's intentions. That does not mean you have to accept hurtful or threatening behaviour.

A misunderstanding or a concerning pattern?

These fictional examples illustrate different ways of handling uncertainty. They are not diagnostic evidence.

Different recollections

“I remember Saturday, you remember Friday. Let's check what we agreed.”

Both recollections are allowed to exist while the people involved try to clarify the specific question.

Repeated personal attacks

“There is something fundamentally wrong with your memory. You always invent things.”

This attacks the person instead of clarifying the date. If responses like this recur, consider discussing the wider situation with someone you trust or a support service. You do not need to prove intent or prepare a confrontation to ask for help.

Questions to consider: What was actually said? What remains unclear? Can I disagree without fearing consequences? These are conversation prompts, not an automatic verdict.

Your safety comes first

If someone monitors your device or accounts, do not simply start a “secret” journal there. Browsing history, notifications and shared access can reveal information. Where possible, use a safer way to contact support. Read the Hotline's digital safety guidance.

In the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers support at 1-800-799-7233. Outside the US, seek a domestic abuse service in your country. If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency service.

An optional note, only if safe

You do not need documentation to deserve help. If you choose to make a note and can store it safely, these points are enough:

• The date and specific situation.
• What you personally saw or heard, explicitly noting uncertainty.
• How you feel and what support you would like.

A note records your recollection; it is not independent proof. Add later information as an update rather than hiding earlier uncertainty.

InnerVoid is a journal, not a support service or a gaslighting detector. Neither word analysis nor AI can reliably establish what actually happened or what someone intended from entries. Encryption does not automatically protect against access to an unlocked or monitored device. Read the privacy notice before using it.

Common questions